[Pictured: A mysterious phenomenon no one has ever seen anything like before. He can't figure out why either. ]I know, it sounds terrible to come out and call yourself "magic," but we are in election season and I am being hammered from all sides, the grass roots AND the BIG 3 SORE LOSERS, none of which can take the fact that the homeless wonder from CD 1-15 is being "felt" out there with a little more seriousness than you or Rick Orlov are comfortable with.
So during election season, I will feel free to stick up and let people know some of the stuff that I walk around with knowing about, which is why I am so confident I can tow the line and make eveyone proud and estatic on day one...all the way through the term. (Which is less than two years in case I don't AMAZE you, and the re-call doesn't work.)
So here is why I am so confident that when I am Councilmember, it will be the most "magical" BEST THING EVER!
First of all, I have to say up-front, that all though I will be presenting the argument as to why I am so distinguished among all others on the ballot to chose from, I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW, the "Zuma Dogg" magic is a very limited and narrow spectrum, and of course a person in my situation like this OBVIOUSLY is KINDA a LOSER in EVERY OTHER WAY IMAGINABLE!!!
BECAUSE since I started getting "into" the radio INDUSTRY and was working in corporate offices, I was exposed to top level stuff, because like my experience at City Hall, I was always showing up to the station when I wasn't on the clock and asking questions and making comments and typing up stuff to show the bosses. AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT...They were asking me to, "close the door and sit down." At first, I thought they meant walk out the room, close the door and wait outside. NO, they meant with me INSIDE and to keep EVERYONE ELSE OUTSIDE. OMG!!!
That was around the time Bon Jovi was "Livin' on a Prayer" and Def Leppard was "Pouring Sugar" on you. Lionel Richie was "Dancing on the Ceiling" and Shannon was "Letting the Music Play" for you non-metal lovers. AND, U2 had this new song, "With Or Without You" on this album, "Joshua Tree" that my boss told me I could take home cause they would never play it.
SINCE THEN...I have dedicated myself, basically round the clock, to marketing strategy, quality management and human communication (sometimes known as "public speaking.")
If you ever meet ANY guitarist in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, just say to them, "Wow, I know what YOU were doing, growing up in High School when everyone else was having a life: You were in your room 16 hours a day practicing Led Zeppeling riffs!" AND YES, THAT IS WHAT IT TAKES TO BE WORLD CLASS AT THAT LEVEL. You need to chuck everything and have a single focus, round the clock to get that momentum and reach the highest level.
So I wasn't watching football or basketball or sports. I'm not going to the movie theater for a movie. I'm not taking my kids to soccer games. I'm not tied up in the office for 9 hours with an hour commute, each way. I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING EXCEPT STUDYING MARKETING WARFARE (Sun Tzu "Art of War" applied to business by Ries & Trout. I'm becoming one of the TOP LEVEL EXPERTS ON THE INTERNATIONAL PLAYING FIELD when it comes to "methods for management of quality and productivity" (known as HOW TO RUN YOUR OFFICE AND DISTRICT/CONSTITUENT SERVICES/QUALITY MANAGEMENT/INNOVATION. I studied the Tony Robbins stuff and attended enough of his events until he BOWED DOWN TO ME ON HIS OWN STAGE DURING A THEATRICAL BROADCAST AND IN FRONT OF TWO THOUSAND PEOPLE! And I didn't think it was anything but a "whoot" until all his insiders who have worked for him on the road since Tony's early days told me that was an unprecedented, first time thing and I kinda turned into the a folk hero legend with that crowd based on that FOR YEARS AFTER!
SO I'M NOT HAVING THE LAST LAUGH, BECAUSE IT IS A NARROW TRIUMPHANTNESS, but I can FINALLY say, after 20 YEARS of "honing my craft" and trying to take it to the highest of mountains, not only meeting my business and human achievement HEROES, but having them praise me right back, not realizing the guy on the other end is "BIG ZD FROM THE 213 and NEVER should be mixed in with any of these people, or backstage with these people having dinner with them before the show. But these past three years of meeting people as Zuma Dogg at City Hall has REALLY, REALLY taken out the bitterness of the broken dream story and I feel way more blessed than the BIGGEST Hollywood celebrity. I don't care if more people like Leo Decaprio or whoever. These clowns are just reading other people's words.
Regarding my career history in the radio and record industry: YOU DON'T MAKE IT TO NEW YORK CITY/TIMES SQUARE IF YOU CAN'T PLAY THE GAME AND IF YOU ARE PISSING PEOPLE OFF ALL THE TIME. DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE GONE FROM COLUMBUS TO TIMES SQUARE IF I WASN'T 100% PERFECT WORD OF MOUTH??? And you have to be in charge from a managerial level with these DJs and talent who are getting paid MILLIONS when you are only making $50,000, because they sucked up all the department salary budget, and if they don't like you, or more importantly, if they don't respect you, they run RIGHT into the General Manager's office and throw you under the bus and say, "We can't do the show again until you get rid of this guy. AND YES, that is why there is a HUGE turnover at radio. SO WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO IS COMFORTABLE WALKING AROUND THE LION'S DEN AND WON'T GET EATEN AND CAN TAME THE LIONS...YOU GOTTA CALL ME! AND...you have to be someone who can communicate with, and relate to these suit and tie, bottom-line, corporate owners...AND THEIR CONSULTANTS.
DO YOU KNOW THE LEVEL OF SCRUTINY THAT I HAD TO MAKE IT THROUGH....AND FORGET ABOUT THE REAL REASON I WAS THERE...MY INNOVATIVE, UNSEEN, CREATIVE GENIUS: BUT, you don't get to do THAT, unless you can also make a guy in a suit with a bow-tie and brief case from every OTHER department like you too.
ONE PHONE CALL FROM ONE POWERFUL EXECUTIVE AND ZD IS NIXED OFF THE LIST. Well guess what, once again, ZD IS THE LAST ON STANDING AT THE END OF THAT ONE AND HE MOVED UP, EACH AND EVERY TIME UNTIL THERE WAS NO WHERE ELSE TO MOVE WITHOUT COMPLETELY HAVING TO SELL OUT. AND, it was a COMPLETELY DYSFUNCTIONAL ENVIRONMENT AND YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, ONCE YOU ARE DEALING WITH TOP RADIO AND RECORD PEOPLE, YOU ARE DEALING WITH PEOPLE ON BLOW AND IT AIN'T A REAL RATIONAL OR NURTURING ENVIRONMENT TO BE AROUND. So, I'M GOOD! Tell those blow freaks who are pulling your strings to pull MY strings that I'm moving to L.A. To be honest, I had just grown and was into all kinds of new higher levels of awareness and wasn't going to let myself be abused by a bunch of neurotic blow freaks and an environment where it is perfectly o.k. to be drinking and partying during the day at lunch, AS LONG AS YOU ARE BACK IN TIME!
SO NEXT, since I was living in Malibu during the end of my radio daze, I mean radio days, IT WAS, "HELLO, Zuma Dogg on Public Access to prove to those arrogant Hollywood big shots that I could EASILY just take a camera and walk around and make comments up as I went along Venice Beach and Melrose and Malibu and all over town and it would be BETTER than anything on network prime time.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! IT WAS!!! AND THE MALIBU HOLLYWOOD INSIDE CROWD WAS BOWING DOWN TO BIG ZD IN SUCH A MIND-BLOWING WAY, IT BLEW MY MIND AND I STARTED SHOWING UP AT STARBUCK'S MALIBU AT 6AM EVERY MORNING, just so I could get the "Zuma Dogg Appreciation Day" ceremonies started and I could start meeting people.
Then, around noon, the coffee shop was dead, so it was time to walk around the grocery store parking lot. Then the restaurants in the evening. Then the bars until 2am. I'M NOT KIDDING. I MET SO MANY PEOPLE AND THERE WERE ALWAYS STUFF BEING DANGLED IN FRONT OF ME, but the BIG guy at top of the corporation, "just didn't get it." (Hey, what can I tell ya, if I had ONE break, you'd only know me from HBO or NBC and not TV 35, so it all worked out...DIDN'T IT, City Council!) After all, I've never been more blessed by community spirit all across every nook and cranny of this overly populated and dense city. IS THERE NO WHERE I CAN HIDE?
And yes, I walk into City Hall one day, AND THE REST IS HISTORY.
So seriously, the point is, if you have been living with ZD and have know him since around 1986 when started on this journey (Hee hee...he said, "Journey"), I've been running with the bridge burning behind me toward the goal of climbing some un-attainable mountain, whether it's trying to "get backstage" to meet my favorite rock starts; to working at the TOP RADIO STATION in the free world; to Billboard Magazine in a "TOP OF THE WORLD" Times Square Skyscraper.
THEN, I got more serious and into the REAL top business/management stuff (forget these radio clowns worried about the next party), I wanted to get the attention of people like Deming and Tony Robbins and earn their respect which would mean I earned their approval, not in an ego sense, but to prove that I was "right on" and at that high level (the "welcome to the club" handshake). And between Deming's letter to me that required people to verify BECAUSE HE DOES NOT SEND OUT LETTERS OF PRAISE, ONLY LETTERS FILLED WITH SARCASTIC COMMENTS IN RED INK, Tony Robbins, Al Ries, Jack Trout, Bob Pittman and others I admired, I got the "passing grade" I was looking for and they gave me the "Welcome to the Club" handshake I was striving for. (I know you may not know these names, but they are my own "Hall of Fame" in MY world.)
Tony Robbins had never bowed down to anyone on stage in defeat. PLUS, he sent me a letter of praise on my articles, which again, BLEW PEOPLE AWAY. (All of this stuff helps get me to the next level. When people see Deming sent me a letter...THAT SAYS SOMETHING TO PEOPLE AND SURE AS HECK GETS THEIR ATTENTION AND THEY KNOW DEMING SO THEY DON'T WANT TO GO AGAINST THAT.
When Tony Robbins sent me a letter, people wanted to see a copy of it and before you know it the whole industry was saying, "Damn, you know what, F-ing TONY ROBBINS sent Dave a letter. AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW PEOPLE CAME OVER TO THE ZD SIDE!
Zuma Dogg on public access...with nothing more than a cam-corder I have to operate myself and never a script...EMMY, GRAMMY AND ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS AND THEIR FANS BOW DOWN TO BIG ZD AND I LOSE ALL ANONYMITY FOREVER. AND I LOVE IT...I WAS RIGHT!!! ALL THE MOCKING AND SCORNING AND SAYING I WAS WRONG...AND I WAS RIGHT. Cause again, I was always making $50,000 being the "boss" of the $1 million dollar guys cause THEY were supposed to be so funny and entertaining, and the people in the office thought I was funnier and more entertaining than them. And I WOULD call into the shows to help out. But, I was still the "suit guy" and they were the Kings of creating the magic relationship with the public. STARTING TO SEE IT NOW???
SO THEN, in a 180 degree turn from MTV culture-based comedy...I walk into City Hall and people tell me I have a knack for this and I'm more recognized on the streets than ever, for something very important.
So yeah, I'm the most innovative, creative, funny, entertaining, inspiring, motiviating, strategic, relentless managerial wonder the world has ever seen and like I said about the RnR guitarists, it comes at an expense. I WISH WE COULD ALL JUST BE CONFORMING AND NORMAL LIKE THE REST OF YOU...BUT THEN WE WOULDN'T BE DRIVEN TO INNOVATE AND CREATE CHANGE. WE WOULD BE WATCHING SEINFELD RE-RUNS.
And luckily and uniquely, we have a situation where there is this one guy who seems to be able to effortlessly walk the tightrope between corporate accounting executive types, while relating to the masses as well, beating you at your own game when I focus my attention on it. KID ROCK FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT.
So that's why you see when you follow my timeline, it's time for the next one, and that's the Council office. I think if I have a room to crash in during the term, or can just crash in my office, MAGIC WILL ENSUE AND THINGS WILL BE TRANSFORMED. THEY ALWAY DO WHEN I GET INVOLVED. AND I'M INVOLVED!
It's just TOO EASY! IT'S JUST TOO OBVIOUS. You better keep comparing me to anyone else in the world on this one! (I could NEVER do so many jobs that other people do and that I am amazed by, and when I know I could never do your job, I will be the first one to say to you, "Man, I am so jealous of your talents. You are really something. I couldn't do what you do if I had all my life to try." THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU RIGHT NOW SAYING, "Man, he's right. He said it to me." (And some of you are professional Zuma Dogg tripper uppers, and you KNOW I will still say it to those people, too.)
BUT, when it comes to THIS gig, in the pool of candidates on THIS ballot...
IT'S FRUSTRATING TO HAVE TO WATCH THIS CONFUSION ENSUE WHILE PEOPLE TRY AND FIGURE IT ALL OUT.
I LOVE THESE OTHER GRASS ROOTS CANDIDATES AND THIS REALLY IS SUCH A BETTER POOL OF CANDIDATES THAN IN THE RECENT MAYORAL ELECTION, and I've met a lot of these candidates more and a lot of the NC peoplea, not even running, but who've I gotten to know more at these forums, and if I win...EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT THE OTHERS WILL BE GETTING CALLS FROM ZUMA DOGG TO HELP ME IN THE TRANSITION.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, THE ONLY REASON I KNOW ANYTHING, WHETHER IT'S WHAT'S GONNA BE THE NEXT BIG MUSIC TREND, OR WHAT THE TRUTH IS WITH THE STUFF BEING PROPOSED BY CITY HALL/DWP/PLANNING/BUDGET/ETC...IT'S BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT AND THEY WERE ONTO SOMETHING!!!
SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO KICK OUT THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN LETTING ME COPY THEIR HOMEWORK AND TUTOR ME TO MAKE ME LOOK SMART, NOW???
I WOULDN'T!
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WOULD BE NEEDING AS MANY OF YOU TO HELP ME IN EVERY WAY YOU WANT TO AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO! That's why I get cranky with these questions about how to mandate more NC participation.
I'M BEGGING YOU TO HELP!
I'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE AND IN PERSON WITH YOU PEOPLE, SEEKING OUT THE PROBLEMS AND THE SOLUTIONS AND THE TRUTH ON MY OWN, JUST OUT OF PASSION, 7am-12mid, 7 days a week on a round the clock rotation. It be nice to be doing it together NOT trying to backseat drive it while tied up in the trunk.
My only magic gift (besides seeming to be able to explain complicated shadiness in terms your average channel surfer can understand and care about), is knowing when I am hearing the big stuff (like when someone hits me with a subprime warning six months in advance or the LACER pension money scandal WHILE IT IS TRANSPIRING, or DWP shadiness; then DIGGING DEEP TO FIND OUT IF I AGREE! So a lot of times, we just have to sit back and wait and see, since no one is currently taking a PROACTIVE leadership role in addressing these matter, EXCEPT for maybe CM Parks, on certain things the rest of them try to ignore. WELL, NOW YOU CAN HAVE ONE MORE RESPONSIBLE PARENT IN THE FAMILY. And YES, Zuma Dogg has been the responsible parent of the sixteen even though he sometimes has to yell at his kids when they aren't listening or doing it. (I wish I could just go into that parental, "1...2...3" count, like the rest of you...but they have cops with guns to make sure I don't grab 'em by the arm and drag 'em out of the strip mall, I mean chambers.
And the whole city LOVES the results and LOVES me for climbing the mountain and likes to watch, the way they like to watch a sports match.
ELECT ZUMA ON SEPT 22nd. He has a lifetime of making magic even though you wouldn't want to be him and he would still give ANYTHING to be just like you. So just roll with and trust me I'll rise to the occasion and BLOW YOU AWAY IN AMAZEMENT IN A WAY NO ONE HAS SEEN IN HISTORY.
I'VE JUST PUT THAT DOWN ON THE RECORD AND YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF YOU WOULD BET AGAINST IT, KNOWING WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT ME AND WHAT I HAVE PULLED OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE AND ON THE STREET AND WHAT I HAVE JUST TOLD YOU ABOUT THE STUFF YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW, COMPARED TO A BUNCH OF UNTESTED PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN SHOWING UP FOR PRACTICE OVER THE PAST THREE YEARS UNTIL GAME DAY?
WHY ASK WHY?...JUST TRY...ZUMA DOGG...ON TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22nd.
Believe it or not...MORE on Zuma Dogg's background and history at http://LADailyBlog.com
