Don't go to Venice Beach...It's No Day At The Beach
by Zuma Dogg
ZD was STOKED today, cause Matt Dowd, my guitar-playing, incense selling homie, told me to come down to Venice Beach and sell incense with him, because the police are no longer enforcing the ordinance, cause they know is is going to be found unconstitutional, and overturned -- because MATT filed the only lawsuit against the city -- and a FEDERAL JUDGE called for a "settlement" meeting between Matt and Michael "Shea Butter Man" Hunt who was with Matt and I at City Hall with your cameras, and is all over the youtube. (We are "the Venice Outlaws") So Matt and Mike sued the City over the venice ban, and a federal judge called for a "settlement', and preliminary hearings have all agreed -- it's unconstitutional like ZD, Matt and Mike showed up to City Hall on April 4th, 2006 to tell them "on the record."
Pandora's Box was, open, and the rest is actually history.
So, I show up at Venice today, for the FIRST TIME IN JUST ABOUT OVER A YEAR (March 25, 2006 was the day the ban went into effect.)
Beautiful day as I arrive. See so many friends who I haven't seen in one year. Many tell me they have been seeing and reading about me. Some of my favorite little babies (of my vendor friends) were walking around, when last time they were in a stroller.
And much to my surprise, I see the SAGE MAN (sage was enemy #1 on the beach under the new law -- FELONY ARSON!!! (LOL!). Then, I see some of the previously banned jewelry, and some clothing items and some other incense vendors -- and all the things they were writing tickets for over the past year, but are now allowing to be sold, for fear of further lawsuits.
So I start to boogie to THE #1 PRIMO LOCATION ON THE BOARDWALK...Rightm acrooss from Side Walk Cafe.
So there we are, once again...Zuma Dogg and Matt "Guitar" Dowd...on the boardwalk, after a full year of fighting (and you know the effect it has had on me, one year later). People stoping by for the triumphant, "What's up, how ya been".
I was the most blessed person in the City, being able to meet and speak with people from not only all over the City (and tell them the "tale" of these now famous, one of a kind, exclusive, handmade flavor of incense), but from around the state (Bakersfield to San Fransico), a few sales to people visiting from NYC, Upstate NY, Kansas, England, the most excellent day of diversity -- with Matt and ZD "holding it down" with the ONLY real brand of incense that people stop dead in their tracks to aquire. Some stocked up for the trip home, everyone loved Venice, and Matt and ZD made them feel good about the whole Venice Beach experience, in our own way.
I busted out some new acapellas, right there for the Sidewalk Cafe crowd and all the tourists. (Turns out ZD is a dead ringer for that sissy James Blunt on "Beautiful", plus "Crazy" by...you know - it's your favorite. So people get the incense, a free concert from Zuma Dogg (non-stop performances throughout the day), and the whole Venice experience.
BUT WAIT...this is the Police State of Los Angeles. And guess who comes driving down the boardwalk in a police car, through all the pedestrian traffic.
Why, it's LAPD. And the officer who has done battle with Mr. Dowd, so many times before, including local neighborhood council meetings (who were AGAINST the ban, by the way, but the City didn't listen, and now they getting they ass fucking sued by Matt Dowd, Michael Hunt, and now Zuma Dogg. (LOL to the mutherphughin LOL!)
Matt breaks it down for the uniformed fool that a FEDERAL JUDGE said the City has to drag they ass into court for a settlement talk, cause their whole hairbrained ordinance was so fucking shady and unconstiutional in the first place, The Venice Outlaws are about to kick your ass off the beach ourselves, be-atchez! (Cause Matt wrote the lawsuit, and it's gonna beat the entire City Attorney's office, which is staffed by 500 loser attorneys.)
The officer, who just cost the City a whole lot more money, writes one and only one ticket today on the entire boardwalk for "sales". Oh guess who? Not any of the other vendors. Just Matt "Guitar" Dowd. So ZD filmed and commented on the whole "police state bamboozle" and will be posting it on YouTube for the whole world to see, what all the tourists and especially the girls from San Fransico, who could not even FATHOM why Matt was getting a ticket for selling incense. I mean REALLY, you have to explain the whole concept of a handmade incense, jewlery and thsirt ban over and over, cause their brain can't even comprend it. Then of course ZD starts announcing to the now gathering crowd, "That's right, don't come to LA. Please don't come to Venice. It must be unsafe. Look at the police. Meanwhile, while your wasting resources here, actual criminals are going free." (YouTube y'all.)
So now, the best day for good tourism PR, now has turned into the worst day of tourism PR. Cause now all these people will be going home, across the City, State, Country and World, telling how fucked up Los Angeles is. The police are crazy.
See here's the problem for LAPD: Your average Joe and Mary Tourist don't know that the police are forced by Linda "Sucks" Lucks (of Neighborhood Council), Mayor Antonio Viagraosa and Los Angeles City Clowncil (as they are now affectionately referred to by people throughout the City) to enforce this ridiculous and unconstitutional ordinance. They just think, "Man, don't go to LA, it's a fucking police state. They're arresting people and writing tickets for selling religious items, handmade jewlery, and all other types of reasons Venice IS actually the biggest attraction in the City....Fuck it, let's go to Vegas."
So of course the "Law of Attraction" challenged and financially cursed, Big ZD, from the 213, had to shut down shop way too early, just as the big money was gonna be rolling in, as people made the final round for the day (when they finally spend) and now I've been screwed by the City again. SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT OUT 20Xs MORE ON ALL OF Y'ALL SHADY SUNSABITCHES. HOW DID YOU LIKE YEAR ONE, BITCHES...WELL HERE'S THE PROBLEM, MR. PO-LICE OFFICER. YOU ONLY WROTE ONE TICKET. BUT THERE WERE VIOLATIONS ALL UP AND DOWN THE SIDEWALK.
AND INSPECTOR GENERAL ZUMA DOGG INTEVIEWED WITNESSES, AND IS A WITNESS HIMSELF, AND IT HAS BEEN DOCUMENTED ON CAMERA:
Y'all obviously targeted one table, and one table only. The one Matt Dowd and ZD were standing behind. And I told that LAPD officer, there are multiple violations, why are you targeting this table only. And he told me he was going to continue down the boardwalk and enforce. BUT DID YOU DO ANY ADDITIONAL ENFORCEMENT? ANY OTHER TICKETS???
I DON'T THINK THE MAYOR IS GONNA BE VERY HAPPY YOU ONLY WROTE ONE TICKET TO MATT DOWD. You just enhanced his lawsuit and upped the settlement amount dumbasses. LTTMFL, B!
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